My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
