Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
