found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
