it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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