worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
