i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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