They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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