6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
