Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
