I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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