And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
