i think my mom watched the whole time
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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