his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My life is pants optional.
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