I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
