I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
