I feel like abortions should bother me more
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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