Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
