I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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