I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
