I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
