you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize