My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
