remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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