we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
