WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize