who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it was like his penis was on wheels.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
