Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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