the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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