running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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