I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
