I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
