i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
