This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
