yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
