I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
