i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
