Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sober January is a disaster.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
