You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just gargled with NyQuil
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
