I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
