so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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