Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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