My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
