I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
