there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
