I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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