i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
we should paint friendship bongs
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