New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
