While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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