we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
