She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Alive.
So much puke
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
