and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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