I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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