Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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