I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
