Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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