Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
