My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize