wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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