my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
