yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize