i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
