Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize