i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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