I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
