angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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