READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
