Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize